I have learned a lot since becoming a father. I know I have talked a little about the struggling time I had when Grey was born. But I haven’t spoken about the parts of that time in my life that I was challenged as a person. I looked back on my life and realized I was not really sure I knew myself. I didn’t know who Shawn was. I started exploring my past and what story I had told myself about who I was. I was struggling because I was not connected to my own soul. It added to all the stress, anxiety and confusion. I was in an identity crisis. Why did I have this vision of myself, and where did it come from. Hundreds of questions were going through my mind.
Through the struggles I had a lot of support from Alex. Support that I felt wasn’t even deserved at times. My emotions were pouring over into my marriage at that time too. We had some really great conversations and she was always supportive. She encouraged me to speak to someone. So I did and it felt good to start addressing these emotions. I explored the emotions and after a few sessions and evaluations I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I was in denial for a couple weeks but I eventually excepted it. I was put on medication and did counseling and now looking back on everything with a clear mind, the whole thing was a blessing.
I was able to connect with myself in a new way. I knew who I was and who I wasn’t. What my goals were and my vision for my future. If I didn’t go through this time in my life I would still be struggling. I would still be lost and disconnected with myself. To be honest it is scary to think where I could be today if I was never blessed by the diagnosis and if I never had Alex to support me I could be in a really horrible place right now. Thanks to her I am thriving!