Post 3 Fallout
The fallout from finding out about Greyson’s autism was immense and paralyzing for me. At the time we had many other challenges, I was traveling a lot for work and Alex was on her own a lot. We lacked knowledge about autism and had minimal support in the beginning
It felt like my entire life and our entire world was collapsing around me. At that point in time Alex was really the one holding our family together. I still admire her strength throughout that situation. On the flip side I was struggling and was diagnosed as bi-polar at the time. What else could possibly go wrong. I was demoralized and felt completely helpless. I had an unfaltering desire to resolve all of these problems, but didn’t know how and subsequently felt lost.
That is when the guilt and shame started to set in. I blamed myself for everything that was happening. I blamed myself for Greyson’s autism and for not doing enough in all areas of our lives. I was working and traveling so much I was disconnected from Alex and what was going on in the home. As you can probably imagine all of this was affecting our marriage. The stress, the lack of connection, because of us being overwhelmed and all the challenges constantly slapping us in the face was piling things up.
At that point, I truly hit rock bottom. I prayed that even though I felt lost that God had a plan for all of this and as long as I never gave up, eventually that plan would be realized! I didn’t see a way, but I know he had a way!